i realised i don't really have much ambitions towards academic results
i don't really have high hopes for myself in this area
and i tend to just take whatever life has to offer to me
i've been like that for almost my entire life.
i had never expected myself to get into st nicks.
and definitely not hc
i seldom worked with an ultimate goal in mind
though that's what many people think is the right thing to do
and smths the results i get doesn't really affect me much.
hmm or maybe it's coz i don't really hope much.
or just maybe coz i get over such things rather quickly
my parents have never pressurised me into doing things
hence, i have never pushed myself further..
though i know i can be pushed further..
i have no idea whether this is good or bad
to many people who face problems of being pressurised, this may sound good
but to me, it just sounds like a lack of ambition
smths i feel like even when i have ambitions they begin to slowly disappear coz of what the people ard me tell me..
like today, i was just looking at brochures from the psc scholarship fair
and began thinking and planning abt which courses i plan to take and which universities to go to
this time i decided to place higher hopes on myself and look at the possibility of studying at more recognised universities overseas
hoping my parents could support the idea i tried to discuss it with them..
but they told me why dont you just study in singapore. its good enough already wad
i know they were just being practical about the costs of studying overseas and probably because they would be worried abt me being overseas by myself
but smths this kills motivation sigh.
ok now i know how ttj feels like after typing a post.
its like i feel like deleting this entire crap
but yet it accurately reflects my current state of mind..
no im not being emo
i dont feel sad or anything
im just thinking..
btw to cindy and siak:
nah.. i don't think im a person who is sad but pretends to be happy!
i really think im quite a happy person!
and ko! u nvr act sad wad. u look quite ok. like quite happy also..
we are all happy people. just that there are times when we feel rather..un-happy